Bedsharing
by dogfarts888
Summary: Supreme Leader Kyo Ren is soft when it comes to Rey and their newborn daughter. Major fluff, maybe brush your teeth too sweet. Kylo POV.
1. Bedsharing

**Replaced the original chapter because this site would not save the changes I made when I found typos.**

**Kylo Ren is soft when it comes to Rey and their newborn daughter. Major major fluff and feelings guys. **

**I wrote this to detox from my darkfic. Might add more later. comments/thoughts appreciated. **

* * *

The ornate bed frame is empty.

The crib acts as storage: full of blankets, pillows, rattles, infant toys. The occasional nursing pad and diaper finds its way into the mess.

The mattress is on the floor, pushed up against the corner of the room. The room is a bit bare, a bit stark - the First Order banners have been taken down and he has nothing to replace them with yet.

Rey is curled up, her back against the wall, their daughter facing her. Their chests rise and fall lightly in unison. It is everything he has ever wanted with her, with Rey.

A family.

Three years ago, after Crait, she would not talk to him, she would not give him the time of day. She would not acknowledge him until the two sides were at an impasse. They agreed to try and reach some sort of agreement. At the time reconciliation seemed too strong a word.

Their meetings were meant to be negotiations.

Nothing between them was negotiated, there were hardly any words spoken. When the door closed every pretense fell; the facade they showed the world melted away.

It was always her pushed gently against the wall, him bracing behind her. Always rushed, too rushed - there were times she told him to just keep the mask on, to please hurry.

Secret trysts, never enough, leaving both of them wanting.

Kylo's gaze rests on his daughter's wispy dark hair as he lingers on his memories.

He likes to think it happens the time he insists they face each other. Rey's hands soft and warm on his bare chest, her lips delicate and sweet. He likes to think this is the coupling that produces someone so innocent, so perfect, so pure...so beyond his comprehension and what he deserves.

Kylo never felt _this _kind of love until he held his daughter. He wanted to drink in the moment, the moment with his little girl in his arms.

He has known kindness, but the negative influences in his life had outweighed the good. For the first time he feels like he has a reason to be good. To try to be good.

He knew he would do anything in the galaxy for her. He would be her hero, her keeper, the one to comfort and kept her safe.

He would be her father.

Kylo pulls his shirt over his head and steps out of his trousers. He is simply mesmerized by everything that has taken place since her birth six weeks ago.

Rey's emotion at meeting someone related to her for the first time, watching her fears about motherhood slip away. Surviving the sleepless nights, trying to get the baby to take a bottle so he can give Rey a break.

She cares for their daughter so well.

It is only when he insists they all sleep together that their daughter gives them decent stretches of rest.

Kylo softly pads across the room, swallowing back the lump slowly building in his throat. The joy he feels at seeing them is overwhelming.

Gently, he lowers himself on the mattress. He looks at his daughter and her dark eyes are wide open, staring directly at him. Her tiny rosebud mouth is not moving, not pursed together - a sign they learn means she wants to nurse.

She only stares.

Kylo tentatively offers a finger and she clasps her small hand around it. He carefully nestles her in the crook of his arm and feels her breath against his chest. The sensation brings him chills every time. She is real.

He watches as her eyelids grow heavy and they close.

Kylo glances from Rey to his daughter and thinks the theory that love hurts is the biggest lie out there.

Love heals, love makes people whole again.

Before he drifts off he catches Rey peeking at him. She smiles. She scoots closer to the center of the bed and reaches for his hand.

Hands clasped, their daughter between them, they sleep.


	2. A Grandmother's Love

**does this site allow you to post stories in series formats? I wasn't sure where to stick this since on ao3 it's part of my Bedsharing series. A collection of one-shots in no particular order that follow Rey and Kylo Ren as they become new parents (with flashbacks to their pre-baby lives). They are all barf-you out sweet and fluffy.**

**This is an outlier in the Bedsharing series. A short snippet of Leia's experience. I just want something in her life to be fluffy and happy 😆 I'll stick it here as chapter 2 for now even though on ao3 it's a stand alone**

**The flashbacks are in bold.**

**Thanks for reading.**

* * *

_Leia ascends into space as the shuttle takes her to Kylo Ren's flagship. She is going to visit her granddaughter._

_It never stops feeling surreal._

_Not since she first dared to wonder, not since she first found out the truth about Rey and her son. The secret they were keeping - a most wonderful secret._

_She was going to become a grandmother._

_And then, she did._

* * *

Leia is not easily fooled.

She is suspicious when the circles beneath Rey's eyes darken, when the young woman's usually healthy complexion takes on a permanently pale, almost sickly hue. Unexpected changes for someone in peak health.

The way Rey pauses during her briefings to inhale and exhale, as if trying to fight down a rising sickness. The constant trips to the fresher.

Leia takes note of how Rey opts out of direct combat exercises.

She tells herself that these are coincidences. Series of isolated events that her mind strings together out of desperation, out of hope. Out of a deep seeded fantasy she held onto since her son was young. Dreams that she might be a grandmother one day.

They are nothing more than fanciful dreams from an old woman.

Ridiculous, impractical notions. She drives the thoughts away.

Four months slip by and Leia is busy with the shifting relationship between the Resistance and First Order. The titles for their respective organizations don't fit as well as they once did, but it does not matter at the moment. Not when the changes being made matter more than labels.

Leia's suspicion returns when Rey shows up to a meeting between the First Order and the Resistance. Instead of the tightly wound gauze-like material and fitted tunic, she dons a shirt that flows in a forgiving way around her body. There is a new fullness to Rey that compliments the young woman - a fullness Leia once experienced herself.

She cannot brush off these incidents as mere coincidences. Not anymore.

During the meeting she lets her eyes close in a way that appears restful for the briefest of moments.

Leia senses Rey trying to mask it, but there is no denying what Leia feels: a burst of light radiates from the young woman. New life.

Rey's name has never been more fitting.

Leia's eyes snap open. She darts a quick, suspicion-laden glance across the room at her son. Her son in his black get-up and that _damn_ mask.

Rey continues to present on trading policies and does not notice.

In theory, Leia muses, the father _could_ be someone else. Leia doubts it. Rey is pregnant and her son is the father.

The frequent meetings Kylo schedules, the way he asks about Rey before all other itinerary items, the way he _looks_ at her when his mask is off: it all comes together.

Leia wants to believe the pregnancy is the result of a consensual relationship.

Still, knowing her son's temperament and history, she worries.

She worries about Kylo's negotiation tactics. She worries that Rey allows him access to her body in exchange for policies that favor the Resistance. It is not an unreasonable concern because _all_ of the policies resulting from their meetings benefit the Resistance tenfold in comparison to the First Order.

Yet that kind of behavior would be out of character for Rey. Wouldn't it?

Then again, Leia surmises, Rey has a tendency to give too much of herself. To invest her entire being in causes and _other_ people.

Thirty-two years ago when Ben was placed in her arms, Leia had been told a mother's love for her child was the most powerful force in the galaxy.

A romantic sentiment, but she eventually learned the truth.

She learned that her love could not save her son. To Leia he was worth the heartache, but he needed to save himself. It was a painful lesson to accept.

Leia tried to pass that wisdom on to Rey after Crait. Through shining eyes Rey told her what had taken place in Snoke's throne room. The words gushed out of her like a broken dam.

Leia pulls herself back to the present.

She watches Rey speak with confidence and ease. But there it is - the slight hitch midway through her sentence, the way she swallows and breathes in deeply. Leia bites her bottom lip. Rey looks on the verge of being sick.

"Excuse me…" Rey turns, hand covering her mouth. She hastily exits, bumping into a table on her way out. "Sorry," she mouths, trying to set it straight before rushing out of the room.

Leia's gaze gravitates towards Kylo.

Kylo's body visibly tenses. He pushes his chair back, one hand bracing on the table as if he means to stand. He looks ready to pounce, ready to bolt from the room. After a moment he appears to think better of it and reclines into his seat.

Leia is not sure if she should interpret his reaction as protective or predatory.

His behavior towards Rey post Crait was without question predatory, ruthless. The threats he would send the Resistance made her cringe; the stunts he pulled to try and capture her were outrageous.

Leia holds back a long sigh.

She knows Rey is capable of defending herself. All the same, she regrets relaxing her stance on security when Rey negotiates with Kylo Ren.

She wishes her son would remove the mask so she could read his face. He must know about the child. If she can sense it, there is no question he can.

Leia wonders how long they plan on concealing this secret.

She feels a gentle poke from her left. Poe arches a dark brow.

"Yikes, poor Rey. Lunch didn't agree with me either, if you know what I mean," he mutters from the corner of his mouth.

Leia swats at him.

"I don't want to know what you mean."

She finds herself suddenly agitated with her son for not being more careful. Even if the baby is a result of mutual attraction, this can't be what they had planned.

Leia knows Kylo doesn't deserve all of the blame - it does take two - but she has been in Rey's position before. Rey gains her sympathy.

A surprise pregnancy in the aftermath of a war, the galaxy in a fragile and unstable state. Not ideal conditions to bring a child into. Leia was young when discovered she was expecting. Not so young that eyebrows were raised, but she still had things she wanted to do. Things that became barred to her once she became pregnant.

Times change, but she knows the blowback from this will hit Rey hard. It always does, for women. Especially with Kylo Ren as the father.

Her son as a _father._

Force help them all.

Will he rise to the occasion? Can he? He's come this far, but Leia does not dare let herself feel hope only to be let down again.

Poe covers for Rey - who does not return. After the meeting people fan out of the room debating in earnest over trade deals.

Leia lingers behind, just outside the door.

"General," her son stalks past her, stopping to give a brief acknowledgement. He marches in the opposite direction of his Knights.

Leia waits a few minutes before trailing him.

She makes her way down the hall and slows her pace when she spots a door, slightly ajar. Whoever tried to close the doors did so in a hurry.

Hushed voices can be heard and Leia steps closer.

_"People are going to figure it out. I still get sick and I'm starting to show. See?"_

Leia can hear the tears and distress in Rey's voice.

Kylo's voice is low and deep in response. Leia strains to decipher his words. She catches the tail end.

_"...come back to the flagship with me."_

His words do not sound angry, they do not sound harsh. It startles Leia, it lodges a lump in her throat to hear him speak so tenderly.

Rey's accent fills the room.

_"No, no I can't do that. Not yet. I have responsibilities here. People depend on me. I can't just...leave."_

The talking stops, a long silence follows.

Leia arches her neck tentatively to peek through the door. Her eyes and her mouth freeze in an expression of stunned surprise. Kylo's mask is on the floor, forgotten.

Rey sits on a desk with Kylo standing in front, facing her. His hands are underneath her tunic, gently resting on either side of her stomach.

No doubt now - Leia spots the slight protrusion of Rey's belly.

Rey's arms circle around Kylo's neck and the kiss is intimate and deep - it is well practiced. They've done this before, many times.

Kylo pulls back and looks Rey in the eye.

_"I promised that I would take care of you - both of you. I meant it, Rey…"_

Kylo's voice fades as Leia retreats down the hall. She will not interfere, she will not meddle. She needs to process her own shock first. She needs to process her profound relief that her son's humanity is not lost.

She is going to be a _grandmother._

"General."

Leia spins in a half circle at the commanding tone. Before Kylo can prevent her from seeing it, fear flashes in his eyes. He covers it quickly.

"So."

A pause.

"You saw us. You know."

"Yes," Leia says, "I know."

* * *

Leia's boots track marks on the polished floor as she paces, trying to distract herself.

She has been waiting for this moment for months. Since she first suspected Rey was pregnant, since her suspicions were confirmed.

She never thought her grandchild would be born on the flagship of the First Order.

Former First Order - whatever her son calls it these days.

Hux stalks down the corridor, arms full of banners that Kylo orders to be discarded. A menial, trivial task. Leia can't help but chuckle - a welcome repose.

The two of them constantly debated where the baby would be born, where Rey would give birth.

The debate ended when Rey was seven months pregnant. A plot was uncovered - a plot involving a bomb detonating on the floor Rey lived on. The culprit turned out to be a zealous Resistance member who opposed the alliance between the Order and Resistance. They took Rey's relationship with Kylo as a personal affront.

Going public with their relationship and the impending birth had not been easy. But Leia did not anticipate such violence directed at a pregnant woman.

Kylo took action immediately.

He arrived at Rey's apartment accompanied by his Knights and Stormtroopers. He ordered them to pack up Rey's apartment - shouting to handle her items with care. Leia showed up before Rey in an attempt to calm him, to slow him down. To assure him that the bomb had not even been constructed, that the man was in a maximum security cell. Kylo roared in response, demanding the man be put to death. All the better if it was at his hand. Leia told him to get a grip.

Rey came home to find her life in boxes. Any argument of duties and responsibilities abandoned her when she saw the raw terror etched into Kylo's face. Terror that he could have lost them both.

Just like that, she left with the father of her child.

It was bittersweet to watch Rey leave. But it was the right choice.

And now the moment is here. The moment that makes any past difficulties worth it.

Finn's voice pulls Leia back to the present. He mentions that she looks anxious and Leia insists that she's fine. She sends him away on a mission to bring her hot tea, having noticed the way his hands twist in anticipation. The man needs something to _do._

"Mother."

A door opens and a tall figure practically runs down the hall.

"Kylo," she straightens, "How is Rey - is the baby…?"

Kylo smiles so fully that Leia can feel her heart burst. With a pang she remembers that look on Han's face.

It is a smile that only fatherhood can bring.

"She's beautiful - she was incredible, " he says, wiping the sweat from his brow, "And the baby is healthy. She is absolutely perfect."

Leia's hand flies to her mouth. _She._

A granddaughter.

Her heart races so fast in her ribcage that she can hardly even feel it.

"Can I see her?"

Kylo nods and escorts her by the arm.

Rey is on the bed, her face drenched with sweat and streaked with tears. In her arms rests a tiny bundle swaddled in a soft blanket.

"Look, little one. Your grandmother is here."

Leia almost can't take it all in. There is a bright new star to love. She moves closer to the bed, and she could swear that for a moment time stops. The baby_ is_ perfect.

A mess of raven hair sticks out in all directions. Leia wonders if it feels as soft as Ben's hair when he was a baby.

"Would you like to hold her?" Rey offers.

"Yes," Leia says without hesitation. She quickly washes her hands and waits with bated breath.

Kylo retrieves the baby from Rey and places her into Leia's arms.

Leia's heart threatens to explode with the love that she feels in that moment. She knows what a mother's love is - but this is different. This is the love of a grandmother. At first she can't move, can't speak- it is as though speech or movement will wake her from this dream, shatter it and leave her hopeless. But this is not a dream.

Her granddaughter is real. Leia drinks in the sight as she gazes into the infant's face.

"Hello, sweet baby," she soothes, silent tears streaming down her face.

"Look how small her fingers are," Kylo lifts a tiny hand from the swaddle. Her son's obvious enchantment with his daughter tugs at Leia's heart strings in the best way possible.

She is a miracle.

Leia keeps her attention on the baby in her arms, smiling broadly as she squirms. Her hair is as soft as she remembers. Leia hopes to give her granddaughter what she was unable to give her son: an ever present maternal figure. No droids, no robots.

She forgave herself and let go of the guilt long ago, but now she is older and wiser. Now she knows exactly what is at risk.

"Have you decided on a name?" She asks.

Rey and Kylo exchange a glance.

"Isn't it obvious?" Rey's eyes sparkle from across the room, "she's a spitting image of her grandmother - her namesake."

"No - you don't mean..."

"Yes, we do," Kylo takes the baby as she starts to fuss and returns her to Rey. From his amused expression Leia thinks he rather enjoys her elated shock.

Kylo hands Leia a data pad. She reads the birth certificate:

_Name: Leia Solo_

_Father: Ben Solo_

_Mother: Rey_

_Sex: Female_

_Weight: 7lbs 8oz_

_Length: 21.5 inches_

An audible gasp escapes Leia.

"You listed her father as Ben Solo."

"I did."

"Does that mean ...?"

"Yes. Eventually."

Leia tries to hold back more tears. He calls her mother instead of general. He intends to reclaim his birth name. His actions prove him to be a dedicated partner and loving father. She is proud of her son.

Leia feels a deep wound she thought would never heal begin to mend. With a quiet sniff she addresses Kylo.

"You still need to give Rey your last name."

"That's the plan," his mouth twitches, and Leia is pretty sure he is fighting a smile.

She steps back as Kylo sits on the edge of the hospital bed. Rey turns her face up towards his and their eyes meet. Their lips touch and Leia knows it is time to give them space to bond as a new family.

_Her_ family.


	3. Hoping for a Miracle

**Part 4 in the Bedsharing series. ****(I really need to add Babywearing as chapter 3 instead of a standalone).**

**On ao3 titled: Hoping for a Miracle.**

**Thank you to Antheia21 for being my beta. You are an angel.**

**Bound to a Monster readers: This is a sister story to Bound. This scene was in the original version of that fic before I decided to make it dark. These two stories share a line :) maybe you'll spot it. I kept it b/c I'm sentimental as fack. **

**Important: the flashbacks are between the line breaks. I considered italicizing but it's harsh on my eyes. Hope it makes sense.**

**Explicit content and it's cavity inducing sweet. Everyone is soft, soft, soft. **

* * *

"_Rey, will you marry me?"_

"_I love you, Rey. Will you marry me?"_

"_Rey, I love you. Will you marry me?" _

Kylo touches a hand to his pocket, feeling the box that holds the ring for Rey. There is a heaviness to it that has nothing to do with weight.

He spent hours trying to come up with the perfect words for Rey. Romantic words. Sentimental words. None of them sound right. None of them come close to communicating how important she is to him.

Kylo hopes he can at least string a simple sentence together when he asks for her hand in marriage. He better, because he is asking her tomorrow evening.

The turbolift opens and Kylo is greeted by Hux.

"Sir, General Organa's shuttlecraft is currently en route. She will be here in precisely fourteen minutes. She..." Hux stops as a loud squawking noise comes from the tiny bundle on Kylo's chest. Kylo carefully unwraps the carrier to find his daughter very much awake and alert.

He likes this phase of her infanthood: she is still small and new, but she is waking up to the world.

His daughter's curious eyes dart at the flashing lights that dot the flagship's corridor.

She suddenly fixates on Hux, and Kylo thinks it must be the bright red hair.

"Can you hold her?" Kylo asks, "I need to adjust this." He motions at the fabric loosening around his waist and shoulders.

"Ah," Hux says uncomfortably, a hint of apprehension in his voice, "of course, sir."

"Here," Kylo transfers her to Hux and shows the General how to support her neck and head.

Hux holds the baby awkwardly, at a distance. She kicks her feet wildly into the air, happily babbling.

"She won't break, Hux." Kylo says, concentrating on gathering the wrap, "Don't be afraid to bring her to your chest."

Hux makes a clucking noise.

"Afraid? I am not afraid of a _baby _," he says, though he looks slightly terrified.

"Like this," Kylo pauses to show Hux how to hold her.

"Yes, yes, I've got it now," Hux cradles her and the perpetual tension he carries in his body disappears. He is rewarded with a gummy smile.

"She's very much your likeness, sir."

"She is," Kylo agrees, "Except you don't have to take orders from her."

"Yet," Hux corrects, "I don't have to take orders from her _yet _."

Kylo finally has the wrap where he wants it - Rey would be proud - and he glances up to see a new emotion present on Hux's face. Tenderness.

"It is good she spends time with you, sir. With her father."

Kylo knows that like him, Hux had a complicated relationship with his father.

Complicated is putting it lightly.

Kylo is trying hard to break the cycle. He wants his daughter to witness her parents happy and in love. He wants to have a healthy relationship with her. He wants to take care of his family.

Everyday he realizes he has _no idea _what the hell he is doing, grappling like a blind man as he navigates fatherhood.

Kylo has a newfound respect for his parents, however flawed he perceives his childhood to have been.

"Rey might not be happy I held her sir," Hux says absently. He cracks something that passes for a smile as he looks at the baby.

"She'll be okay," Kylo says, amused by Armitage's growing fascination with his daughter.

Hux clears his throat.

"Well. I'll return her to you then. I wouldn't argue against holding her again, sir."

"I think she likes you too, Armitage," Kylo says, successfully wrapping his daughter in the carrier. She snuggles in close.

"You might have your own one day, Hux."

"Ah...perhaps."

The General turns scarlet. He stares at Kylo like he is looking at a stranger. He's trying to calculate how Kylo Ren went from a volatile tyrant to a doting father.

With a curt nod he dismisses himself.

It hits Kylo again, how much has changed.

* * *

He never wanted the title of Supreme Leader. The First Order was nothing more than an unwanted inheritance.

So he used it.

He used it as a tool to try and locate Rey and to learn all he could about the Force.

When Rey said she needed someone to help her find her place in all of this, that she felt alone, Kylo knew he found a kindred spirit.

He thought they could help each other find their place in the universe. He thought their place was with each other.

She became the only thing that really mattered to him. The only _person _who mattered.

He knew in the beginning it was one-sided. He knew Snoke sensed his longing for her and took advantage of the situation. He took credit for connecting them.

In the end it didn't make a difference: their link was forged, the was bond permanent.

But how could he continue to know her, love her, or ever hope to have her with the Resistance and First Order indefinitely at odds?

How long until he became the monster she once accused him of being?

His growing obsession with Rey impeded his ability to command the First Order.

Normal thoughts would barely form in his mind before they were replaced with melancholy longing and fantasies of what could be if he were brave enough to change.

Kylo daydreamed about every feature of her face, he recalled every impressive combat move she had performed. All of her quirky mannerisms were logged into his brain.

His first wake up call happens when he chases her down with his TIE fighter. She was trying to draw him away from her friends. The darkness inside of Kylo rose to the surface, he was ready to capture her at any cost.

Terror and shame froze him after she escaped.

This was not how he wanted the next chapter of their story to begin. He did not want it to begin with violence and brute force.

For the next two years Kylo sends her apologies through the Force.

He gets nowhere, and so he makes a choice.

Kylo is the first one to initiate contact with the Resistance requesting a ceasefire. Under the guise of tanking assets and diminished resources, Kylo swallows his pride. He tells General Organa they might accomplish more as neutral allies.

It is an obvious lie. The First Order can forcibly seize as many resources as they wish. They have the ability to steal children and brainwash them into stormtroopers to replace bad morale.

It's just that Kylo does not care anymore.

At the heart of this change is his motivation to connect with Rey. Words will not sway her, but actions might.

When Kylo hears that Rey agrees to negotiation meetings with him he spends the entire day distracted and aloof.

He can't screw this up.

Kylo takes care with his appearance before he meets with her. He zips up leather boots that give him extra height - a ridiculous effort considering how enormous he is. His muscles strain the fabric of his black tunic and he tries to tame his black hair. It is longer and more unruly than usual.

It isn't just about wanting to impress her. Kylo does not want to appear weak, he does not want her to know how crushing her absence has been. Not yet.

Rey walks through the doors looking like she just came from a training session. Sweat covers her skin and soaks through her tunic. Tendrils of hair stick to her flushed cheeks and she plants her feet firmly on the ground. Her gaze is undeterred and serious when she looks at him.

The light within her is stronger than ever. An undeniable goodness that radiates around her and through the Force.

She is far more beautiful than he remembered.

The first series of negotiations between Kylo and Rey are formal, dull, and mediated.

When the Resistance is confident that he will not kill her, the security guards are moved outside the door.

As are his Knights.

It is awkward, at first. Kylo has waited for years to be alone with her and now the moment is here.

For the second time he swallows his pride and apologizes for the pain and grief he has put her through.

Kylo is willing to spend the rest of his life begging her forgiveness if it means she won't shut him out, but it is Rey who stuns him with her response.

She whispers that she missed him.

Kylo knows she is not supposed to be responsible for saving him, but she already did. With her kindness, her compassion. When she reached through the Force to touch his hand she awakened something inside him - a piece of him he thought was long lost.

She became his catalyst for change.

And even through her disappointment she held out hope for him.

Her tears flow as she says this simple sentence, as she looks at him.

Kylo wants to hold her. Her suffering is excruciating to him and he can scarcely believe _his _absence created such a lonely void in her life.

"I heard your apologies," she says, "through our bond. Everyday I heard them." Her voice breaks, "I wanted to answer you, to meet with you, but I couldn't," she says quietly, "I guess I felt I had to wait until…"

There is nothing to stop Kylo as he cuts her off and goes to her. He takes Rey into his arms, holding her, kissing her tear stained cheeks.

"I understand," he says.

They stare at each other, neither knowing what to do, but both of them knowing what they want. Rey leans up, closer to him, and kisses his cheek so softly Kylo thinks he might have imagined it.

He swallows hard, finally managing one word.

"You..."

There is no further reply - it is as if the invisible barrier between finally dissipates.

And right here, under the sweet pressure of her lips is where he crosses the line to a place he can never go back to.

That neither of them can go back to.

Kylo braces himself against the wall with one arm, her face suddenly very close to his. He watches her eyes and she watches his, and he knows an array of emotions dance within his expression.

He kisses her once, then again, each time becoming braver and more insistent. The Force roars to life in response to their kiss, both of them taken aback by the intensity of it.

Kylo instinctively circles one arm around her waist and kisses her with desperate hunger and raw _need. _Rey leans into him to keep herself steady. She digs her nails into his shoulders and gasps against his lips.

Both of them are curious about the heat that exists between them. They want to chase down that elusive liquid lightning that stretches across the galaxy and binds them.

For the first time, they make love.

It is far from perfect, it is not smooth. They are both a bundle of nerves and Kylo is equal parts afraid and excited to touch her.

"Why do you wear so many layers?" He mutters, fumbling with her clothing.

"I could ask you the same question," Rey says, "But trust me," she tugs at his pants, "everything is coming off."

The absolute certainty in her voice sends a jolt through Kylo's body. He did not anticipate her taking the lead, but he does not object to it. He is grateful for her grace with his nerves, for her light humor.

And finally, they connect.

The Force is balanced.

* * *

One of the times they meet, he is late.

Night has fallen at the Resistance base, but Kylo insists on meeting with Rey.

He wants to prove to his mother that the First Order is committed to this newfound truce.

Mostly, he aches to see Rey in person, even if for a fleeting moment.

Kylo draws the curtains. The city outside sprawls below them, lights glittering in the dark. Rows of towering skyscrapers stretch into the sky, their windows alight from within. A half-moon hovers at the fringes of the luminous cityscape.

Fifteen minutes are all that remain of their negotiation meeting and Rey tells him to hurry up. She stands over the desk, supported by her elbows. Her pants are around her ankles and something deep in Kylo's chest rumbles.

She's wet.

Rey looks over her shoulder for his reaction and her cheeks turn pink.

Kylo quickly drops his belt, bare from his groin to his knees. He nudges her legs apart and lifts her bottom up into the air.

She pleads with him again to hurry, to just keep the mask on, and he does.

His gloved hand moves to grip her waist, the other bracing on her shoulder he bends her over the desk and pushes inside her.

There are no sounds save for Kylo's harsh panting and Rey's stifled moans as he fucks her.

Kylo's masked head lifts to look into the mirror at the end of the desk. He makes eye contact with Rey through the reflection, but he knows she cannot truly meet his gaze.

She only releases silent compressed hitches of breath as he pumps into her and she writhes beneath him.

Kylo already knows that he doesn't want her like this again. It's too dominating, too impersonal.

But she comes, calling out his name. Even while he wears the mask.

He spills into her hard.

Before they leave he takes off the mask, grabs Rey by the arm, and kisses her.

* * *

Two months pass before he sees her again.

Rey's responsibilities take her to a different base. His duties demand that he meet with corrupt figures the First Order has done business with in the past.

Kylo thinks about his love for Rey.

It is a forbidden love.

He's not supposed to feel this way, but he does. His guilt over his past behavior still eats away at him. Kylo fears that she will begin to regret their negotiation sessions. Maybe the novelty will wear off and she will remember what he truly is.

He panics when he finds her in the conference room sitting on a bench, her expression sad.

"Rey," he works up the nerve to share how he feels, "I've missed you."

They usually keep the talking to a minimum, but not today.

"You look troubled. Tell me what's wrong?" He scoots closer to her, placing a kiss on her shoulder.

She shrugs and looks at the floor.

Kylo's heart pounds quickly.

Neither says anything for a long moment. He can tell that she has been crying.

"Rey...do you regret it that much?"

She doesn't respond.

Kylo feels his face warm as his hands ball into fists. As he speaks his voice catches, his words laced with confusion and hurt. He tries to swallow the emotions down.

"Rey, you could have said no - I would have - I would have stopped."

Kylo is almost crying now, too. He wouldn't harm her. Never.

"I know I have no right…" Kylo says as tears begin to bead down his face, "I have no right to you after everything I've done. You deserve better."

Rey turns to him.

"Kylo. Look at me," she tells him gently. Her face is as wet as his.

"I don't regret anything. I'm just...scared."

"Scared?"

"Yes. I like this. Being with you. I think about where this can realistically lead and..." Rey pauses.

It can only lead to a dead end, he thinks.

"But Kylo," Rey whispers, "I don't care. I don't want to worry about it. And I don't want _better _. I want you, exactly as you are." She swallows and looks into his eyes as she says it.

"How about we just...don't think for a few minutes?"

Kylo coughs at her request.

Rey is bold - she always has been. She has a way of taking control with him that makes her utterly intoxicating.

"I...how do you want to...?" His face is so close to hers that their noses touch ever so slightly. His eyes lock onto hers, burning fiercely.

Kylo has to ask. He _wants _to ask.

There are times when she wants no eye contact, and then there are moments when she allows him to kiss her.

He only wants to show her the respect she deserves.

Rey blushes.

"I want you to show me how much you missed me."

Something in him snaps.

Her request undoes any and all vestiges left of Kylo's restraint.

He holds her tighter than usual, kisses her harder than usual, and makes it last as long as he can.

Rey's back hits the wall with a thud as he strips off her pants. She winds her legs around his waist, all while they kiss, tasting the sweat and tears on each others cheeks. Her hands take care of his belt and pants while his lips find her neck and devour her, the breathless moans from Rey urging him to keep up the pace.

"I would never hurt you Rey," Kylo says, pinning her to the wall with his body as his hands move down to her hips. "I care for you, I want to protect you," with a swift rip he tears her shorts off.

"I trust you. You don't have to keep... _oh," _ her words die on her lips and become a gasp as he fills her with one hard thrust of his hips. He watches as her pink lips part and open in a long silent moan.

Kylo does not give her any time to adjust to him or catch her breath before he starts to move inside her.

It is all Kylo can do to listen to her moan and gasp in between kisses without completely losing his mind.

One of his hands moves under her tunic to cup and knead her breast, the other holding her still as possible as he slams into her without reprieve and without thought. Everything is instinctual, all a mindless, flesh-driven response to something much deeper that can't be put into words.

Rey clings to him, one hand in his hair and the other on his back under his tunic, her nails digging mercilessly into his skin.

Kylo likes it.

Rey's whimpers and broken moans in his ear are desperate pleas. Ones that he answers by moving her higher up the wall, moving his hand down between them where the first flick of his fingers makes her arch and moan into his mouth. She shakes and shudders, her climax pushing him into his own oblivion.

He is panting, and with a soft kiss to her lips, he guides them down to the floor. A glaze of sweat cools on their feverish bodies.

Neither quite has the strength to stand.

Rey looks up at him, smiling. Kylo touches his forehead to hers.

"As you can see, I might have missed you a...little." He nuzzles into her neck, through her disheveled hair, kissing her with soft quick pecks. It tickles and Rey kisses him mid-laugh. Kylo smiles at hearing her laugh - a rare expression for him but one that comes more often lately.

When the playfulness calms, she curls against his chest. Kylo can feel her heartbeat through her back, the warmth emanating off her both comforting and surreal.

And that is what is so nice, he muses, about this. This partnership, this friendship, this relationship. A rare moment when they have time to hold each other and just _be _.

Kylo bites back the urge to confess how he feels.

It's too heavy, he thinks. Too important. He can't say it yet - it makes him too vulnerable. Too exposed. She might not say it back.

Surely she senses through their link how beyond gone he is.

How in love with her he is.

A harsh knock at the door causes them to scramble to their feet. Annoyed, Kylo slips his tunic over his head and wonders why he lets the Resistance establish the boundaries between them.

He catches a flash of torn fabric on the floor. Her underwear - the shorts he tore from her body.

He shoves them into his pocket. He doesn't want Rey catching any grief for being with him.

Resentment taints the afterglow of their lovemaking.

"It shouldn't have to be like this," Kylo says out loud.

"I agree. It shouldn't be like this," Rey replies quietly, "but it is."

The door closes with a soft click. She is gone and he is alone again.

The only way he can be with Rey is by taking action, not by merely _wishing._

All the same, Kylo holds out hope for a miracle. A miracle that will bring them together for good.

* * *

A familiar presence breaks Kylo out of his sentimental reveries. Before he can check that the box in his pocket isn't visible, two slender arms wrap around his waist.

"My loves," Rey gives him a light squeeze, mindful of the baby. Kylo twists his neck around to see her beaming.

In her embrace the world stops.

Kylo's anxious mind is instantly at peace. How could it be that he hadn't recognized Rey's love for what it was since the beginning?

Pure. Unselfish. Free. Kylo feels her body press in, soft and warm. This is the love they had waited for, the love they had fought for.

A love like this needs to be cherished for life.

Kylo no longer considers his softness or compassion his greatest weakness. It is his most profound strength.

"Did you have a good time with Finn?" He asks. Kylo senses Rey's contentedness, her delight at realizing that taking time for herself does not make her a selfish mother.

"I did," Rey says as she strokes their daughter's head, "and she seems quite cozy. Do I get to find out what you two were doing?"

"Preparing for my mother's visit," Kylo says automatically.

"I'm looking forward to that. She told me earlier that she's bringing things for the baby."

Kylo tries not to groan too loudly. They are absolutely overflowing with toys and clothing from his mother. As far as he's concerned their daughter is set for the next ten years when it comes to toys.

Rey reads his expression.

"She's just excited to be a grandmother, Kylo. Indulge her."

"Alright. Should we get ready to greet her?"

Rey's infectious smile returns, "Yes. She's in for a surprise - she won't believe how big the baby has grown since she last saw her."

Kylo thinks it is Rey who is in for the biggest surprise.


	4. Babywearing

**I'm adding Babywearing as a chapter under Bedsharing. Technically this chapter is supposed to come directly after chapter 1. Sorry if it's confusing. I really wish this site had a similar series format to ao3.**

**Maybe I'll find a way to switch chapter 4 and 2.**

**Edit: I tried to switch things around and the format got even weirder. ha. sorry!**

**thank you zenjen for beta-ing!**

**There is a flashback within a flashback. For simplicity's sake *all* flashbacks are italicized.**

* * *

The first time he tries on the baby carrier it does not go well.

The second time is even worse.

The third time, the _one time _he needs it to work it fails dismally.

For the first time since their daughter's birth, Rey feels ready to get back into training.

Five months have passed: five long months of catching sleep when they can, hundreds of diaper changes, worrying if the baby spits up too much. And that rash on her skin, is it normal? Breastfeeding goes well, but there are nights when nothing seems to calm their daughter.

Rey paces topless, tears in her eyes as she tries to get the baby to accept her breast, not understanding why she has to refuse it at 3am.

It was a challenge getting the baby to accept a bottle in the beginning - it is baffling to them when it is all that she wants. Kylo does his best to comfort Rey when this happens.

Nothing about parenting is easy or predictable, but it is full of joy.

They enjoy watching their daughter's temperament emerge. She is a happy baby, but Kylo wonders if there are any _unhappy _babies. She gurgles and coos, content, until she is set down. The stroller, the baby chairs - she rejects them all.

Being held, being touched is all that calms her.

Neither of them want to order a droid to hold her - Rey is not completely opposed to the idea, but Kylo flat out shuts it down. Babies are not meant to be cared for by robots.

This is why the baby carrier becomes a necessity.

And now, Kylo _needs _the carrier to work.

When Finn asks if Rey wants to train with him, Kylo encourages her to go. Things are not mended between the former stormtrooper and Kylo, but he sucks it up for Rey. Especially since Finn became one of her biggest sources of support when news of the pregnancy broke. When news broke that a consensual relationship between the Supreme Leader and a top Resistance leader existed.

Finn earns his respect for that.

Rey physically recovers after giving birth, but emotionally her fears of abandonment resurface. She worries about leaving their daughter alone, even with her father. There is no reason to take it personally - Kylo knows the trauma of abandonment runs deep in Rey. His mother says the postpartum hormones intensify it, but he does not bring up hormones. He does not _dare_.

Finn will arrive soon to pick up Rey and the baby needs to be calm. He does not want their daughter's fussiness to change Rey's mind. He wants her to feel at ease.

Besides, he has plans of his own.

Kylo attempts the carrier again.

It does not matter how much he widens the straps, lengthens the front buckle. It is much too small for his broad back, the vast expanse of his shoulders prevent the carrier from clipping.

His daughter's face turns crimson as she screams, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. She flails, the screams turning shrill. It flusters Kylo and he picks her up, bouncing her in one arm while cursing the structured carrier. She settles, just in time as Rey emerges from the fresher.

Rey digs through a pile of clothing and blankets and lets out a pleased exclamation when she finds what she is looking for.

She walks over holding the wrap; soft fabric that he's watched her fold and tuck in intricate patterns to carry their daughter.

"Here, this is long enough," Rey centers the wrap at his chest, bringing one side under his arm and across his back to the opposite shoulder. She repeats the pattern with the other end and creates a horizontal pocket for the baby to nest in.

Kylo centers their daughter on his chest and slides her into the soft material. Rey's nimble fingers work around them, making final adjustments until the baby doesn't sink, lean, or budge when Kylo removes his hands.

"There," Rey steps back proudly, "She will nap for hours if you keep moving."

Kylo tried to master the wrap, she's shown him before. But he's never been good with anything that requires a bit of an artistic touch. Everything he makes by hand is a bit...crude.

Rey disagrees.

"It just takes practice," She arches on her tiptoes to kiss him. "Where are you two going anyway?"

Kylo will never get away with fabricating an excuse. He gives her one of his blank, nonchalant stares.

"You'll see."

"I'll _see_? Hmph."

There is a knock at the door. Kylo knows who it is.

"Have a good time with Finn. And...stay out as long as you'd like."

_Have a good time with Finn._

Of all the improbable things that had happened that sentence might outweigh them all.

Almost.

Kylo swoops down to steal another kiss from Rey and the baby protests. He needs to get moving.

When the doors open, he nods in acknowledgement towards Finn.

Finn's eyes widen at seeing the baby strapped to Kylo. The contrast of someone vulnerable and tiny against a man who still exudes lethal authority and power is bizarre.

In fact, it is bizarre for both of them to face each other. For Kylo to witness someone he considered a cowardly traitor hold a high ranking position in the Resistance. For Finn to realize the Supreme Leader of a transitioning First Order is capable of change.

"Hey Rey," Finn says, "You ready?"

Rey pecks a kiss on their daughter's head.

"Right. I'm ready," she sighs, not budging.

Kylo and Finn exchange a glance.

"Okay Rey," Finn gently touches her elbow, "Looks like your...looks like _he _has it covered."

"I do," Kylo agrees, "Go on, Rey. She'll sleep the entire time. Don't worry."

Rey bites a nail, an old, nervous habit.

"Alright. Okay. But if _anything _seems wrong…"

"I'll contact you."

"We'll come back."

Finn and Kylo answer her simultaneously.

After another round of kisses and double checking the wrap, Rey leaves with Finn. Kylo lets out a long breath.

It is a big step for her. Even if the training simulator is only three floors down.

It hits him that he is alone with their daughter: really, truly alone with her for the first time. She sleeps, for now, and Kylo exits the room. He briskly walks the corridor, hoping Rey does not change her mind.

Finn almost called him Rey's husband, he could sense it.

Except he is not Rey's husband. Not legally and not ceremonially.

Their force connection binds them more intimately than any wedding or formal commitment ceremony. Rey said as much, the first time he proposed.

It was not a premeditated proposal. He did not have a ring or flowery words of love. He did not kneel. It was not a proper proposal, not at all.

But he meant every word of it.

Asking her to be his life partner had been on his mind for years. Until the dust settled between the Resistance and First Order he thought it unattainable. It was merely a pipe dream.

His proposal came on the heel of Rey sharing the life shattering news she was pregnant.

It is impossible for Kylo to forget the time Rey shared the news with him. The news that she was expecting a baby.

His baby.

* * *

_It happens at a summit between the First Order and the Resistance. It is full of negotiations and tedious meetings that drag on for hours. Both sides are depleted in resources, military numbers, and morale. Both sides agree to try and find a way to coexist._

_Against all odds a bilateral agreement is reached. Contracts are drawn up, analyzed, and sent back to be rewritten._

_They are not achieving peace, not even close, but it is something._

_Kylo prepares to sign the contract with his Knights as witnesses. A clause catches his eye that gives him reason to pause._

"_This section here. It outlines a list of manufacturers stating that the Order will no longer trade with them. When was this discussed?"_

_The sound of chair legs dragging across the floor jerks his head to attention._

_Kylo's eyes flicker up to Rey - it barely counts as a glance - as she breaks her silence. She stands and her gaze meets him dead-center._

"_During our negotiations last month. Surely you recall?" _

"_Ah," he responds dryly, "Yes. I do."_

* * *

_With a turn of the lock the office turns into a secret, sacred place. They let go with wild abandon. He is hungry for her touch, thirsty for her kiss._

"_Rey…" he closes the gap between them, his fingers threading with hers as he holds her hands._

_Kylo is cut off when she launches herself at his lips, her mouth attacking his with such fury that he can barely keep up. _

"_Just hurry," Rey gasps, pulling at his belt, "Please."_

_Kylo knows how to disrobe her without faltering - now he can do it with his eyes closed. But touching her never stops being a new experience. He finds her skin soft and smooth beneath his fingertips; he runs his hands down her sides and over her hips._

_He spent too many years using his hands to carry out unspeakable violence, for acts that were anything but gentle. Some part of him is frightened his hands have lost the ability to move gently, will not know how to caress Rey's body softly, tenderly. _

_She bucks against him, reminding him their meeting is timed. _

_For security reasons, of course._

_Kylo follows their usual protocol._

_He presses her against the wall and Rey moans, gasping as he fills her. It isn't overly loud, but it might be enough to draw outside attention. A second cry escapes her lips and Kylo's hand covers her mouth. It is not the first time he mutes the beautiful sounds coming out of her. He wishes it did not have to be this way._

_Kylo's thrusts are even and deep, he fits her perfectly. She scrabbles helplessly at the wall, needing to hold on to something, anything._

_He bites his lower lip as he starts to thrust harder, one hand sliding between her soft thighs, easily finding her clit. He circles it, making her cry out his name. Kylo can't bring himself to muffle her again. He smiles fleetingly and continues to thrust, bending down to suck and bite at her neck, nosing her hair away so he can reach her sweaty skin with his mouth. _

_Each time before they meet Kylo renews his vow to control himself, to demonstrate some constraint._

_To not touch her._

_She deserves to be with a hero - with a good man from the Resistance. A man with a clean moral track record. A man who never forced his way into her mind, a man who never hunted her like prey. _

_A man who never broke her heart by making the wrong choice. _

"_Tell me to stop Rey, tell me to leave you alone," Kylo pants, his fingers digging into her hips._

"_No," she whimpers, "I don't want you to stop."_

_Her lips part as she comes, her body tightening like the string of a bow. One more thrust and Kylo is with her, groaning out her name as he buries his face in the side of her neck. His chest heaving as he tries to control his breathing. He lets out an elongated sigh and leaves a trail of wet kisses along her neck. She purrs and tilts her face around, capturing his lips in a sloppy kiss._

_It does not matter that when they come together he assumes the dominant position. _

_It is Rey who holds all the power over him. Every time._

_He spins her around and she clenches her legs around his waist. Her arms drape around his neck._

"_What are we negotiating?" She asks as he sets her down on the wide office desk._

"_Anything," he's out of breath, "You name it. I'll agree to it when the time comes."_

"_Anything?" Rey asks. _

"_Anything."_

_Afterwards, for him, it is back to the frigid embrace of darkness and solitude. _

_The role of Supreme Leader does not lessen his loneliness. _

_On the surface he exudes strength, but inside Kylo is fragile: haunted by the mistakes of his past and terrified of loss. Rey shines a light into the darkest corners of his soul. She still believes he has one._

_He bears the ache, the unbelievable strain on his heart when he realizes these meetings, at some point, will come to an end. _

_It is why he agrees to attend the summit between the First Order and the Resistance. _

_He prepares to dismantle the First Order for her._

* * *

_Kylo picks up the pen again and finds it heavy in his grip. With a sharp gesture his hand swoops across the document, his name glossy against the white paper. _

"_There," his voice deep and even,"It is done." Kylo slides the paper across the table._

_General Organa signs with the top ranking Rebel leaders as her witnesses. _

_Rey does not look at him again. She watches Leia, her shoulders tense until the General sets the pen down._

_Their interactions during the summit continue to be civil and guarded._

_Kylo wants to find a space to talk to her in private but she is near impossible to find. A formal dinner looms ahead of them. He wishes to find her before the festivities begin._

_He stalks down an airy corridor supported by tall ornate columns. He hears echoes of laughter farther down the hall and the festivities, he presumes, have begun early. _

_Only he knows those voices - he recognizes them. _

_Kylo rounds the corner and spots her. Rey. Her long hair frames her face, her dress is simple and elegant. Her lightsaber remains sheathed in a belt looped around the dress with a blaster on the other side. Still practical no matter the occasion. _

_Kylo thinks she looks beautiful, a vision._

_And she is talking with three of his Knights._

_His stomach churns. _

_Their masks are off and something is being discussed in earnest. Rey uses her hands to aid her words, she smiles in response to something a Knight says. It is her wide, happy smile - the one that displays her dimples._

_Dimples that he has planted kisses on, causing her to twist away from him while laughing._

_Kylo wonders when his Knights developed a sense of humor. He wonders when he ever saw them smile, saw them laugh._

_One of them grins at Rey, a dopey, dazed smile. Another Knight motions to the lightsaber locked into his belt, clearly explaining something very important. Kylo rolls his eyes. _

_He realizes he might not be the only man vying for her affections. He realizes anyone but him is a socially acceptable suitor for Rey. _

_Even a Knight of Ren. _

_The Knight touches her shoulder and all thoughts erase from Kylo's mind. A hot, blinding buzz reverberates throughout his skull. _

_They are shamelessly ogling her and being quite obvious about it. Rey is too preoccupied with whatever she is saying to notice the way their eyes are glued to her. She is humble and does not comprehend her appeal to men and women alike. How her curiosity and passion draws them in. _

_It takes every fiber of his being not to walk over and deck the Knights. All of them._

_Kylo Ren is embarrassed by the depth of his jealousy, his possessiveness. He needs to do away with the possessiveness: Rey will never tolerate it._

_Rey can chat and laugh with anyone she pleases. She would tell him as much. _

_He really should go - he really should find a fresher and dress for dinner. But his brain seems to malfunction, the order from his mind never makes it to his feet._

_Kylo does not realize he is glaring, his face incensed until she turns in his direction._

"_Supreme Leader Ren," Rey's eyebrows arch. The grins on the Knight's faces fade. _

_He dismisses them with a look. _

_Finally, for the time being, he is alone with Rey. She peers down the hall before walking over to him._

"_What is wrong?" She asks. _ _A crease appears between her brows._

"_Nothing is wrong," Kylo's cheeks tinge pink. He tries to change the subject. "You don't have to call me that, you know. Supreme Leader. Not anymore."_

_It doesn't work. _

"_Mmhm," Rey quirks a soft side smile, "You do realize you have all the subtlety of a bantha?"_

_Kylo turns redder still, but he's matching her smile now, albeit a bit more sheepish. _

"_Were they bothering you? Harassing you?"_

"_The Knights? Oh, no. We were discussing ships. I asked Blaine why not all TIE fighters have generators or hyperdrives. Why just interceptors? Last week I configured a hyperdrive sequence…"_

_Blaine. Kylo bristles. So they are on a first name basis. _

_Rey launches into a detailed mechanical analysis about hyperdrives and Kylo tries to keep up. Admittedly, his privileged upbringing did not allow him the same hands-on technical experience Rey had on Jakku. Lack of formal education does not dull her intelligence._

_Kylo hopes he does not appear bored - she is sharp in so many ways that he isn't. _

"_Anyway," Rey says, "It was a surprisingly normal conversation. They aren't as…"_

"_Evil as you thought?" Kylo offers._

"_That's not quite..."_

"_Loathsome?"_

"_No," Rey lets out a laugh. "They aren't as unbalanced as I expected. Dark adept yes, but I always pictured them…"_

"_As monsters."_

_The levity of the conversation ends there. The hopeful display Rey presents wavers. _ _She is composed and steady when she looks at him, but something is off._

_Kylo senses it._

_Apprehension replaces her usual upbeat optimism. The glimmer of fear in her eyes sets his heart racing faster._

_They are not meant to speak in private like this, cornered away together in a dark enclave. Not unless in an official negotiation meeting with security outside the door. _

_Kylo will break any rule, cross any line for Rey. _

_He fears what she is about to say. Kylo worries his possessive jealousy is the final straw for her. Maybe she thinks things between them should have ended a while ago._

_It would be a pragmatic decision to walk away and focus fully on their new responsibilities. Agreements have been signed and there is much work to do. _

_For someone usually straight-forward, Rey holds back._

"_What is it? Whatever it is, you can tell me."_

"_No," Rey shakes her head, "It's not the right time. After the dinner. Maybe tomorrow morning, or during our next meeting."_

_Maybe never, Kylo thinks. He feels her anxiety through the force - not anxiety at hurting him, but angering him._

"_You're worrying me, Rey. Please tell me," Kylo braces for her to end it between them. _

_"I… I'm…" Rey clamps her mouth shut. She looks around them. Not a person in sight. _

_Kylo takes her hand into his and squeezes it reassuringly. His gentle touches and soft looks are reserved only for her._

"_Tell me. You're what?" His face shows deep concern. Rey lets out a slow controlled breath. _

"_I'm pregnant, Kylo. Three weeks, according to the droid at medbay."_

_Her sentence hangs thick in the air between them. _

"_You're pregnant." _

_His shock turns to joy but she can't seem to sense it._

_Kylo never thought to ask - he just assumed that like him, she had taken precautions._

_Rey reads the question in his face before he can conceal it. _

"_I did get the shot," she says defensively, "The chances of it failing are statistically...I don't see how it..." she bites her lower lip. Her strong front cracks as a tear escapes from the corner of her eye._

_Then, determination, "I understand if you don't want to be involved. It's a terrible time to have a baby...but I am keeping it."_

_The force reveals her deepest fears to Kylo: Him walking away, denying any of it. Abandoning her. Dark anger shadowing his face, his red saber ignited as he thrashes at everything and anything in his path. Calling her ugly names, unforgivable names. Insisting she get rid of it._

_Her fears expose the uncertainty that still exists between them, even after everything they've shared._

_For him, it is beyond what he thought he could ever have with her. A family. _

"_It's not a terrible time to have a baby, Rey." _

_He uses one finger to angle her face so she can see that there is no judgement in his eyes. Only love._

"_And I want to be involved. More than involved, actually."_

_She buckles and tears roll unchecked, silently streaming down her cheeks. He holds her in an embrace that he never wants to end, one that tells her everything will be alright. He lost Rey once. He won't lose her again._

_He brushes her hair away from her face. Sometimes the simplest, most innocent forms of contact are the most intimate. _

_Cradling her face, Kylo leans in and kisses her. He tastes the salt from her tears and thumbs them away. _

"_A baby...we're going to have a baby, Rey. We can be a family, if you'll have me." _

_He pulls her close against his chest, wrapping his cloak around them. Rey allows her head to rest against his willing shoulder. _

_Fresh tears soak his tunic. _

_Tears of relief._

"_I love you," he murmurs at a volume only meant for her to hear, "I want to marry you. Will you? Will you marry me, Rey?"_

* * *

Kylo is pulled back to the present when his daughter wriggles. She burrows her face into his chest and he checks that she is still nestled in safely.

His pace increases until he reaches the turbolift. More than a few inquisitive glances are thrown his way.

Hux does a double take as he marches past.

The smooth ascent of the lift soothes his daughter. Kylo finds it fitting that she accompanies him to pick up the rings he designed with Rey in mind.

"Don't tell your mother what we're doing. Not yet," he whispers to her as she sleeps.

Next time he proposes he hopes Rey will say yes.


	5. Friendship

**Rey POV. Takes place right after Babywearing when Rey walks off with Finn to train.**

***Most of this is a flashback that takes place after the line break.***

* * *

"Rey?" Finn asks as they walk through the flagship's maze-like corridors.

"Hmm?"

"Kylo. He's into it - _really _into it. Being a dad, I mean."

"He is." Rey feels herself smile, "Can you believe how much has changed?"

"No. I still remember," he pauses as they enter the turbolift and the doors slide shut, "when you told me. Do you remember that day?"

"How could I forget?" She asks as they descend to the floor where the fight simulator is located. There is a gnawing question in Rey's mind, one that has been there for quite some time. She turns to Finn.

"Did you know? Even though I didn't specify it was him, did you know he was the father?"

"Rey. _Please._ Of course I did."

"Oh. Well."

"I'm just glad you're not sick anymore."

Rey laughs.

"Me too. I am glad for so many things."

And she is. For her friendship with Finn, for her daughter, for Kylo.

The terror she once felt feels far away.

* * *

The scalding hot water feels soothing on Rey's skin. The heat is restorative to her muscles, it replenishes her energy, it refreshes her mind. Showers are the only source of comfort she has had these past few mornings. She takes a moment to rest her head against the cool tile wall and inhales a deep breath while exhaling slowly.

The constant nausea and new aches in her body are driving her crazy. Sleeping is near impossible and she is stressed to the point of madness.

The droid at medbay told her in its matter-of-fact way that nausea did not typically peak until 8 weeks into gestation.

Kriffing bullshit.

Rey blanches at the oncoming wave of nausea, her body shivering as she tries to fight it down. Blindly, she reaches for a towel.

_Rey. You're up early again. Everything okay?_

Oh no.

No no no.

She needs to remember to keep her wall up. Specifically, the wall she creates to keep certain bits of information from making their way through the Force to Kylo.

_I'm fine. Preparing for the summit means early mornings. _

She senses him forming a response.

_I understand. We'll meet later. Take care of yourself. If I were there I would…_

_Thank you, Kylo. I will. _

Rey cuts off the Force before he can continue the conversation.

Kylo doesn't know about the pregnancy. And yet, he grows more attentive and affectionate each time they meet. He doesn't hide anything from her. He is transparent, and the Force reveals what he wants - and it isn't endless sex sessions.

Not that either of them particularly _mind _what goes on during their negotiations, but she sees his deepest desires clear as day: he wants to be with her outside of confined walls, outside of secret spaces. He thinks the alliance between the Order and Resistance is stable enough for them to come out as a couple.

He thinks of them as a couple.

Rey disagrees - about the coming out bit - and she lets him know it.

Gently, and through the Force, of course.

Kylo seems to be making up for all the years he spent isolated and without human touch. He finds ways to hold her longer, to kiss her just for the sake of kissing her, he tries to make her laugh and…oh kriff.

Rey quickly kneels on the floor, one hand holding back her hair as she vomits into the toilet.

Not good. Nope. The opposite of good.

She needs to appear presentable and composed when the First Order arrives for the summit. Or is it the Order? She frowns. Hux is the only one who still refers to the organization as the First Order and that seems out of habit more than anything.

She needs to finish her paperwork, she has meetings to attend, she needs to ask her droid to help her finish off the dress for the banquet. At the top of her list is a private briefing with Leia to discuss...Rey stops.

Leia.

This - this whole _thing _Rey realizes, will make Leia a grandmother.

Why is her vision suddenly blurry? Rey palms her eyes, trying not to cry. She simply doesn't have _time _to deal with this right now.

Time, it seems, has always been a theme for Rey.

Rey is a numbers person. She pays a lot of attention to dates, to time.

For too long on Jakku she lived life on a timeline, measuring experiences, successes, failures. She gave herself credit for all the times she survived. She kept track of the days she spent waiting for her family to rescue her.

She's come a long way since then.

She holds a reputable position that acknowledges her strength and years of hard work. She found her family within the Resistance. For a long time she stopped counting.

But now, she finds herself counting again. It started with one.

She was one day late.

Twenty four hours late.

86,4000 seconds late.

It should have been insignificant.

On Jakku she was hardly regular. Rey chalked it up to a poor diet and perhaps genetics. The reality was that on Jakku she was not having sex and a missed cycle was a blessing. It meant one less thing she had to deal with on the dusty, hellish desert landscape.

But now her cycle runs like clockwork. It has been predictable since she joined the Resistance.

Convinced the contraceptive shot was imbalancing her hormones, Rey consulted with a medical droid. After a series of non-invasive tests it diagnosed her as pregnant.

The droid continued on as if the news wasn't world shattering, rattling off numbers and statistics of how rare this was, but not impossible. When it gave her an approximate due date she broke out into a cold sweat.

Rey flatly responded that she couldn't be pregnant and left.

After waiting a short time to gather her wits, she returned to medbay. Surely the droid would assess her correctly this time?

No luck. Three weeks pregnant.

Three weeks.

That's barely pregnant, isn't it?

Rey tries to find a reason not to take the results seriously and fails. Reality crashes through the mental defense she is so effective at creating.

Her mind is an overwhelmed blur and she churns with more emotions than she can make sense of, but one still dominates them all: shock.

Against all odds she and Kylo manage to create a baby. Rey thinks the term _against all odds _is starting to become a defining term for them. Against all odds they find their way back to each other, and against all odds Kylo decides to change.

He is more tender and gentle than she ever thought possible. She assumed becoming Supreme Leader would harden him, push him into an abyss of darkness that he would never emerge from.

He is still unflappable, powerful, dangerous - but not with her. Never with her.

She flushes as she recalls the expressions on his face, each one seared into her memory: his vulnerability, his honesty, his lust, his love.

The way she threads her hands through his beautiful dark hair as he moves inside her. The way his fingers stroke the warm wetness between her legs, his thumb slowly circling her clit. The way he sends her into a soaring state of euphoria. She cries out his name under the intensity of his dark gaze, not wanting any of it to end.

There is something nice about surrendering to him when they are together. She knows she is his equal in power and ability - they both know it. But for once, she likes letting down her guard with him. She likes telling him how she wants it, she likes giving him permission to take control.

And Force help her, it is exactly that - those blissful unions when everything feels _right _\- that have gotten her into this situation.

Three weeks.

She really should wait. She should see if it sticks before telling him.

It's still early. What did the droid tell her? That if she makes it to twelve or thirteen weeks the fetus would have a good chance of growing to full term?

Right.

Thirteen weeks. She can wait that long. No matter that that beginning of the summit is today. He's going to want to see her as soon as possible, and if he doesn't keep the mask on everyone will know how he feels. Everyone will see the way he looks at her.

A sharp rapping noise on her door jolts Rey from her sitting position.

"Rey?" Finn's muffled voice floats into her apartment, "You up?"

Rey slaps an open hand to her forehead. How had she forgotten their early morning briefing?

"A minute!" She calls, hurrying to put on her clothes with more effort than is necessary.

"Reeeeeey," Finn groans, "It's 7am. Can I come in for some caf? Please?"

Rey stares at herself in the mirror and she looks...well. She looks awful.

"Sorry about that," the door swings open and Finn gives her a hug.

Rey can imagine how she appears to him: eyes red around the edges, slightly puffy from crying with dark half circles beneath them. But she blinks away her exhaustion—she is used to it by now—and looks him up and down silently. Finn stares at her, a curious expression on his features.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to rush you. I'm running on 3 hours of - you okay? You look a little pale," he explains.

"Oh, I'm fine. So caf, is that right?"

"That would be great," Finn says and strides across her apartment to the bathroom.

Rey thinks about how nice it is to have Finn here, how normal it feels. She prepares a cup of tea for herself as the coffee brews. She takes out her datapad and logs in.

Rey finds herself buried in outlines and summaries when Finn comes out of the bathroom with a confused expression.

"Rey are you - are you sick? The toilet and uh - the floor - it's pretty messy in there." He cocks his head back towards the bathroom.

Shit.

Rey's pale face grows even more pallid.

_Idiot, idiot, forgetful idiot, _she chastises herself.

Finn sits down next to her.

"You know you can be honest with me, right?"

The sincerity in his voice breaks her heart.

"I do."

"And you would tell me if something was going on. If," he swallows thickly, "If Kylo Ren was hurting you? Because if he is Rey, if this summit is making you so nervous you're sick - then we've got to tell Leia. You can't suffer in silence."

Finn has every right to his reservations about Kylo. He objected to Kylo being in a room alone with Rey. His concern touches her, and Rey's jaw clenches to stop from crying.

She knows this isn't going to be easy. The Resistance will need to know eventually. The revelation paralyzes her with fear. When they learn who the father is - and they will- Rey shakes like a leaf.

It's not like her to shrink in the face of a challenge, but there is someone else to think about now. She is not the only one who will bear the consequences of all this, and there _will _be consequences. Serious ones. She needs to protect her baby. Their baby.

Kylo will want to protect them, won't he? He won't reject her, he won't deny the baby.

Right?

Kylo deserves to hear this news first. He does. But Rey could use a little tenderness right now. That's all she needs. Just a little support.

Rey closes her eyes, exhales, and decides to just come out with it.

"I'm pregnant, Finn."

Finn's eyes widen and scrutinize her face. There are no other outward signs of how he is taking the news.

Finally, he clears his throat, "I didn't know you were seeing anyone. Is this good news or-"

"It wasn't planned. And I don't want to talk about the father. He doesn't know yet."

Finn runs a hand over his short hair, "Oh, wow. Okay. Wow. Rey. Can I ask one question? Did the father hurt you? Will he hurt you if you tell him?"

"That's two questions."

Finn shrugs. Rey sighs.

"No. He would never hurt me. He wants me, but I don't know if he wants…" Rey bites her tongue, afraid she's given too much away, "I don't know what to do Finn."

"What do _you _want Rey?"

"I want..." she looks down at her feet, then up again, "I want to have this baby."

"Do you love the father?"

"Yes," she whispers.

"Does he love you? And I mean _love_. Not obsession, not infatuation. But real love."

Rey nods, afraid to talk for fear of breaking down completely.

Maker, she's a mess.

Finn is so kind, so free of judgement. In the face of unexpected news he keeps a calm resolve.

"Then you should tell him. If things don't go right, I'll be here. I'll be here for both of you, Rey."

Finn hugs her, oblivious to her tears and runny nose. After a long moment they separate and she offers a watery smile.

"Thank you Finn. I can't tell you how much that means to me."

"Hey," he squeezes her hand, "what good is friendship is we aren't there for each other during the hard times? You accepted me even after I lied about being a Resistance member. After I violated your trust."

"Ah," Rey waves that memory away, "that was different. This is...well...not everyone is going to be happy, Finn."

"Because of who the father is."

It's a statement, not a question.

"Yes," Rey says, annoyed that there's still a quiver in her voice.

A moment of silence.

"Eh. They'll get over it." Finn says, trying to make his tone casual. She has a feeling that Finn knows exactly who the father is.

It makes his acceptance all the more meaningful. That he is willing to look past it and act as a pillar of support. Because Force help her, she is going to need someone besides Kylo to help her through the beginning stages of this.

She is grateful it is someone she loves dearly.

Friendship is a form of love and Finn loves in full measure - he always has.

Rey knows this baby will be lucky to have Finn in his or her life. No matter what happens.


End file.
